Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
