I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
