I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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