i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
