he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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