omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
