if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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