So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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