Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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