i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
