She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
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Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize