Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
