evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
