Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
