I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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