Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
