My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
