good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
