Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
