I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
