her vagine was all disorganized.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
