She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
