Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
