The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
