last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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