there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
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Except there is my pee all over the walls now
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
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Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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