After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
