TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
