eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
