I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
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You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
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I am one with the molecules
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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