roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
