Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
