whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
