Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
