apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Randomize
