In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
