Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
