He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
