u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
