is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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