So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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