I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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