I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
