RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
