she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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