Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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