): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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