ya dads aren't the best wingmen
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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