absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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