I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
