You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
