turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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