I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
