I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
