i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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