I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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