first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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