you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
