it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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