Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Randomize
