even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
