I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
