did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
