Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
