can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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