i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
God, I missed his penis.
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