You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
