I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
