Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
