so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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