My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
