you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
