YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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