There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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