Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
