i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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