I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
