Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
