I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize