I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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