So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
