My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize