I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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