Swine flu. Run for my life!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
