You made me cry and you don't even care
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
