If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
