Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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