porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
