pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
