Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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