you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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