It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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