i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i think my cat just said my name.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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